As my birthday has come to pass (June 1) and I had a great birthday with a great friend of mine, I thing I will tell the worst birthday party that I tried to have.
This was a couple of years ago I think I was around 14 years old at the time.
Now I started grade 9 at a new school as I had moved back from living with my dad. So I had just started to try to make some new friends.
I had thought that I had become okay friends with some people at the time. So when it got around the time of my birthday I had asked them if they would like to come to my birthday party.
I can distinctly remember being very exited. My family had brought me out and we went to a store to get some candy.
I remember my sister seeing some cool gift bag things and mentioning that I should get those to use. I had shot her down telling her that it seemed childish.
I can remember that we picked up some chips and candy and headed for home after an eye doctor appointment.
And so I sat in my room and waited for them to show up, looking out the window to watch for them.
They never showed up.
One of them did call an hour after to tell me that she couldn’t make it.
The other didn’t.
And so I sat there letting it sink in that nobody was coming.
It sucked, and I felt humiliated. I wanted to curl up in my own mind and never come out.
My family tried to help, I think they told me that we could go to a movie next week or something along those lines.
I remember trying to play it off, telling them it was okay.
It was not okay
And so I stole on of the bag of chips that we bought and some of the bags of candy and went down to my room and sat there just eating them to myself.
After that I just laid their on my bed and tried to get lost in my head.
I didn’t want to live in this world, in a world where this happens. So I created a new one inside my head for me to live in.
But it hurt, and it strongly made me against having birthday parties.
Even now I am hesitant to have a party with more than one, maybe two, people who I know that I can trust.
But Even if thinking on it still affects me even when I pretend its nothing when talking about it, I feel if have to tell this.
I remember watching Melanie Martinez – Pity Party and thinking ‘That was me’. And it got me thinking that this could have happened to more people.
And so I feel like I should out this story as it might have happened to people who could use this to know that it’s not just you. So that they can know that I can understand what they are probably feeling.
And so I can tell them that It Gets Better.
Yes those people didn’t come, but there are stupid idiots that don’t matter.
If they couldn’t care enough to show up to your birthday party then they shouldn’t be in your life.
Because you don’t deserve people who will hurt you like that. And they don’t deserve your attention.
You will get through this.
So push down the hurt and keep walking.
I wont say that the hurt and humiliation will go away because I still feel it.
But I will say You Are Stronger Then This.
So keep your head held high and your walk strong.
Because You Are Okay.