Just like any other autistic having a routine is essential for me.
I like to have I to have days go exactly as they are supposed to go. With everything one scheduled. I need to have that routine or I feel out of wack and out of depth.
When things don’t go the way they are supposed to, or my schedule is messed up I end of feeling flustered and panicked. And it can even through me way off balance.
Some things you can’t find a routine in though and that can leave me frustrated. Like when I was in school, the classes order changed everyday. I hated it, not to mention when the next semester started everything was out of wack.
My deep need for routine can lead me to panicking and melt downs if it doesn’t work out for me. I need these routines. I need the knowledge that nothing unexpected is going to happen.
When the unexpected does happen it makes everything feel wrong. Knowing that it wasn’t supposed to happen throws the whole day out of wack. Even if things go back to the scheduled things still feel wrong.
That one thing throwing everything off balance.
Sometimes, your friends cancel on you, or an appointment you had to go to was cancelled.
It leaves me out of depth and frustrated that they ruined my scheduled. That because of them I have to spend the rest of the day off key. And I know that its not their fault most of the time, but still.
And sure I can sort of handle throwing in a new thing here and their. But a whole day of new things leave me feeling like I want to cry and have a meltdown.
New thing need to be introduced gradually so that I can dip into it and start to add it to my routine. Throwing something new at me, especially one after the other just causes me to panic.
And sure I’ve learned how to handle it better now that I’m older, but I still don’t like it. And as life changes so will my routine. But for the sake of my sustainability I will always have one.